


family isn’t who you’re born with, it’s who you’d die for

by SnowyShipsLogicality



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Found Family, Gen, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, LMK If I need to tag something, Mention of Panic Attacks, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Self-Worth Issues, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Toxic Masculinity, patton's family is terrible i hope this is clear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowyShipsLogicality/pseuds/SnowyShipsLogicality
Summary: Patton learns what is, and what isn't, a family
Relationships: Morality | Patton Sanders & Everyone
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	family isn’t who you’re born with, it’s who you’d die for

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank some people:
> 
> My friend [Faye](https://fayethegae.tumblr.com/) for giving me support and allowing me to talk about my writing process! (Also giving me the quote for the title)
> 
> My friend, who I'm gonna call Z, thank you for beta-reading!
> 
> And the people in the laoft discord server, especially Clove, for the sweet comments! I get 50% of my motivation from you guys tbh
> 
> Lmk if i need to tag smth ^^

Patton loved a lot of things.

He loved puppies, kitties (even if he sneezes a lot near them), and other furry animals.

He loved the color blue, since it reminded him of the sky.

And most importantly, Patton loved his family.

He loved it when mama told him stories before he went to sleep. He loved it when papa gave him new toys as a reward for being good. He loved playing pretend with his little brother and sister. And Patton always loved visiting his uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents.

But there were things he loved that his family didn’t.

Patton loved boys. He liked everyone as long as they were nice, but boys made him all blushy and feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

Patton also loved looking at skirts. He always wanted to wear a skirt, maybe one that’s light blue or yellow. He and his sister could have matching skirts.

And he loved showing his emotions. Patton wasn’t afraid to cry and let his feelings out. 

His parents really didn’t like those things. They told Patton that the ‘warm and fuzzy’ feeling he gets from boys were wrong, and that he should have those feelings for girls when he grows up.

They also told him that skirts are only for girls. They said that boys aren’t supposed to wear them because it makes them feminine.

And after he started fourth grade, they told him to stop being so sensitive, even though he wasn’t good at it.

Patton didn’t understand why his parents tell him these things, but they were his parents, and they were just looking out for him.

Right?

* * *

Over time, Patton’s relationship with his family became strained.

He started arguing with his parents. He dislikes fighting but sometimes his parents were just so _confusing_ and that made him so _angry._

His siblings inherited their parents’ beliefs and started staying away from him, and he disliked not talking to them.

They started visiting his relatives less, and even when they do he’s scared that they’ll start to dislike him too.

And for the first time, Patton feels lonely.

He _hates_ this feeling.

* * *

When high school started, everything started to get worse for Patton.

He started feeling more like the odd one out of his family. The school work was tiring, he was pulling all-nighters just to get a passing grade.

And to top it all off, his brother befriended the popular fake guys in school, and they’re now spreading rumors about him. Because of this, his friends have left him.

He was hated in school and by his own family 

Patton was starting to hate himself too.

After his brother’s friends bullied him again in front of everyone, he ran to the bathroom and tried to stop himself from crying.

_Don’t cry, don’t cry. Mama always said that crying is only for babies, and you’re not a baby anymore._

He didn’t notice that he already shed a few tears until he felt a hand touch his shoulder. Patton turned around and saw someone wearing a black and purple jacket beside him.

“Um hey, I’m Virgil. I saw those guys bullying you and I just- I wanted to know if you’re okay,” they said.

Patton knew that this could be a trick, but he didn’t even hesitate to wrap his arms around them and cry on their shoulder.

* * *

After that incident, Patton and Virgil became best friends.

Virgil was considered an outcast in school too. He suffers from anxiety and panic attacks, and Patton tries his best to help him. And in turn, Virgil’s extremely protective of Patton and defended him when the bullies teased him again.

They both felt insecure, and if one wanted to vent about their problems, the other was always there to listen and give support.

It was just the two of them, until they met Roman.

The school held a bake sale to raise funds for their broken roof, and Virgil and Patton baked some cupcakes and brownies.

Roman went up to their stall and decided to try one of their strawberry cupcakes.

He took a bite, and he was surprised at how _good_ it was.

Roman then talked to them about how _amazing_ and _spectacular_ and other positive things about their baked goods, which made Patton feel so happy.

He hasn’t been complimented like this for a long time.

Since Roman was a new student, he didn’t know about the rumors about Patton. And when he learned about them, and the fact that the one who started them was his own _brother_ , Roman has made it his duty to compliment him for at least 10 times a day.

And when Patton and Virgil learned that Roman has self-worth issues, they did the same to him (even though Virgil said it sarcastically most of the time).

And they were a happy group of three, then Logan came along.

One day, Roman and Patton were meeting Virgil in their usual table during lunch. And they saw him talking to a person with a black polo shirt and a blue tie sitting beside him.

Virgil introduced him as Logan, and they became friends after Logan helped him with his science homework.

At first, things were awkward between them. Logan was the complete opposite of Patton, never showing his emotions, serious, an honors student, and always on time.

He reminded Patton of what his parents’ wanted him to be.

(He knows that Logan wasn’t doing it on purpose, but it still hurt.)

Few weeks later, Virgil invited Logan on one of their biweekly sleepovers.

While Patton, Virgil, and Roman were talking and laughing together, Logan looked incredibly bored. He only talked when someone asked him a question.

After watching a lot of Disney movies, Patton, Roman, and Virgil accidentally slept on the couch.

When they woke up, Patton and Virgil were inside their sleeping bags, and Roman was on his bed.

Later, they found out that when Logan saw the three of them asleep, he carried them off to their bed and sleeping bags so they wouldn’t wake up sore.

He didn’t even have to do that, or he could’ve just carried Virgil. But he did that to all three of them, and that showed Patton that Logan actually cared for him and his friends.

They became more friendly and open to each other from that point on. Logan was always happy to help them with homework and help them understand the lessons.

It took much longer than Roman for Logan to open up, but when he did he revealed to them that the reason that he held himself to high standards was because his parents pressured him to be the perfect son.

They started to remind him to take breaks, and always told him that he didn’t need to have perfect grades to be loved.

With them, Patton was starting to feel less lonely.

* * *

One night, Roman’s brother Remus decided to crash their sleepover.

They looked very similar, except Remus had a mustache and had a grey streak in his hair. He decided to join the sleepover and watch movies with them, while making comments about said movies that disturbed Patton.

Patton didn’t like saying bad things about people, but it was hard to with Remus. He always showed up without warning, and it catches Patton off-guard. And he likes to talk about things that Patton would rather not think about.

While Patton and his friends were eating lunch, he saw his brother and his friends walking to where Remus was sitting, and started bullying him.

Remus looked like he didn’t care at all, but Patton could tell that he’s trying to conceal his feelings. 

He knows how that feels.

Even though he never done this before, and he and Remus weren’t close, he went up to his brother and defended him.

They started bullying him instead, but they stopped doing it to Remus. Patton tried to stop himself from crying, but failed miserably. They saw his tears and started laughing at him.

Remus snapped and punched his brother on the face, making his nose bleed. The entire cafeteria was silent, until one of the teachers saw them and asked what happened.

They blamed Remus, and he got detention after that. Patton got in trouble with his parents for not helping his brother.

After that incident though, Patton was grateful to Remus and started being nicer to him.

Of course, it wasn’t easy. They had some trouble with boundaries at first, but after talking about it they were more comfortable with each other.

Remus also began opening up to Patton and the others. First he talked about his interests like baking, and as they got closer he confessed that he actually felt like he was inferior compared to Roman.

That lead to a lot of crying and ended with all of them accidentally sleeping in the living room.

Even though they woke up feeling sore and he got scolded by his parents for not telling them where he was, Patton felt content.

* * *

Remus invited a new person to their table for lunch one day. He introduced himself as Janus, and Remus said he was his new friend.

Roman and Virgil were suspicious of Janus, and Logan was neutral toward him. However, Patton didn’t know what to think about him. 

While he was so proud of Remus for making a new friend, Janus was a bit different.

He definitely cared about Remus, but he does things that Patton doesn’t agree with.

He doesn’t commit crimes, but he lies often, and he sometimes makes decisions that Patton thinks is a little selfish.

When Patton asked why he makes those decisions, Janus said that he needs to take care of himself from time to time, and sometimes that means prioritizing himself over others.

Patton didn’t agree with that. Wasn’t selfishness bad? If you only care for yourself, you’ll push people away. You will become a bad person, then everyone would hate you, and you’ll be alone.

Or at least, that’s what his parents say.

And his parents aren’t the most trustworthy people.

* * *

It was winter break, and his family went on a vacation to visit their relatives. A long time ago, Patton would have loved it, it was the time where he could see his grandparents and cousins.

But now, despite that there were so many people, he still felt lonely.

His mother told him stories of the children she taught in her class. She talked about their achievements and gave him pointed comments that they’re better than he’ll ever be.

His father gave gifts to his siblings because of their good grades, and he just had to watch while he was given nothing.

His sister continued to pretend that he didn’t exist, even when they were in the same room.

And his brother took advantage of the fact that his friends weren’t around to protect him, and bullied Patton about the things he loved.

His relatives either didn’t notice his situation, or didn’t care.

Patton tried to pretend that he was happy, like the little boy he once was.

He’s been doing that a lot lately, and he’s _tired_ of it. 

* * *

In the last few days of their winter break, Roman decided to host a sleepover.

Patton was sitting on the couch, Virgil and Logan on opposite sides of him. The twins were laying down on the floor, and Janus was on the recliner. They were all sharing stories of what they did during winter break.

Patton was so happy to see his friends again, but he couldn’t stop thinking about his less-than-ideal vacation.

“Hey Padre! How did your winter break go?” Roman asked him.

“Um, well….” He tried to think of something during winter break that he enjoyed.

_“Oh! And I had this student that managed to become valedictorian, even though he’s younger than the rest of the class!” his mother said, telling another story about her students._

_“Your brother and sister could probably do the same, but you on the other hand…”_

Well, there weren’t any good things that happened. Maybe things that were tolerable?

_“These new books are for you guys!” His father said to his siblings. “Your grades were so high this semester!”_

_Then he looked at Patton. “You however? You managed to pass, barely. Work harder next time Patton.”_

“Patton, is everything alright?” Logan asked. “You’ve been quiet for some time now.”

_Patton tried not to cower when he saw his brother walk closer to him._

_“Hey Pat,” he said. “I haven’t said anything yet, and you’re already scared?”_

_He failed._

_“You were always a coward, ever since we were kids. And really, I don’t know how Mom and Dad didn’t see it earlier. You’re so girly, and you like boys. It’s so obvious.”_

“I- I’m not okay.” And then he finally let out the tears he was bottling up.

* * *

After that, he couldn’t stop himself from talking about everything he experienced from his family.

He told them about how painful it was to listen to his mother speak highly of her students, and compare Patton to them.

He told them about how his dad looked at him while he gave his siblings gifts, while he looked at their gifts, then looked at his empty hands.

He told them how his brother would bully him, and his family would say “it was just friendly teasing Patton, stop being so sensitive about it!”

He told them about the times where he was recalling the old days where he and his sister played together, and how much it hurt to see that she wouldn’t even look at him.

He remembered the way how all of his family looked so happy together, while Patton was just sitting there, trying his hardest to smile with them. 

He felt someone hug him, and then realized it was Logan.

Patton knows that Logan didn’t like physical touch, but he was willing to hug him in order to comfort him. It didn’t help very much, but he appreciated it.

“And all of this was because of your family?” Janus questioned.

  
  
Patton wiped his tears away. “Yeah, I try to do my best but somehow they still hate me.”

Janus thought for a moment. “And have you ever done something that made your family hate you?”

“Janus, this is not the time,” Virgil interjected.

Janus ignored him. “Please answer the question Patton, but you can take your time.”

“Everything was fine at first, but my parents didn’t like the fact that I was so girly and sensitive,” Patton told them, “and they didn’t like that I liked boys. During middle school me and my parents started arguing, my siblings started distancing themselves from me, and I started feeling lonely. ”

Patton paused to look at everyone’s faces. They all had varying levels of concern, but Janus’ expression was unreadable.

“When high school started, my parents pushed me to have good grade. But no matter what I did, I never got grades as good as my siblings. Then my brother befriended the popular kids, and they started picking on me.”

“I’ve been trying my best to be a good son and stop liking the things they hated but they still hate me.” Patton could feel his eyes tear up. “I just want it to be like the good all days where we were a happy family.”

Patton cried again, and everyone started to comfort him. Everyone except for Janus. 

Everything was silent, except for the sounds of tears, before Janus spoke again.

“Patton, do you love your family?” he asked.

“Janus, I said this is not the time,” Virgil told him again.  
  


“I am trying to help here, even though I don’t look like I am, Virgil. So could you please stop interrupting?” he said to him.

“Well of course I do, everyone has to love their family.” Patton replied.

  
  
“But your family has made you feel unimportant, bullied you, and hated you for the things you liked. Again Patton, do you love your family?”

Patton thought for a moment, and realized that… he really didn’t.

  
  
“I- I don’t love them.” He answered.

Janus’ look turned soft. “Patton, I know you’ve been raised to think that family is the most important thing, but sometimes it isn’t true. There are times that your family is bad for you. Patton, you don’t deserve those toxic people in your life. And what do you do to toxic people?”

“Y-you leave them,” Patton replied. “But how am I gonna do that? They’re my blood.”

“I’m not gonna promise that it would be easy, but your friends are always willing to help you out,” Janus answered.

“Really guys?” Patton asked everyone in the room.

Logan hugged him again. “Of course Patton, you have helped us in every way you can. We would gladly return the favor.”

“Yeah Pat, I already punched your brother for you, and I’d do it again!” Remus said.

Patton disagreed. “Guys, I don’t think I’ve helped you all out that much, I only help with the little things.” 

Virgil put his hand on Patton’s shoulder. “You’ve helped me with my anxiety so many times. You were the first person that cared. I consider that a lot, Patton.”

“You helped me with my self-worth issues, and because of you me and Remus have a better relationship.” Roman told him.

Remus stood up. “And you defended me! No one ever does that!”

“Patton, while you may think that you’re contributions are irrelevant, you cannot ignore facts. You are important to us.” Logan insisted.

He turned to face Janus again. “See Patton, there are people who love you. People who love you, and are willing to help you.” He said.

Patton smiled. “Even you, Janus?”

Janus sighed exasperatedly. “Yes Patton, even me.”

* * *

Patton loves a lot of things.

He loves baking with Roman and Remus.

He loves that Janus knows when he’s stressed, and takes him to the spa for a self-care day.

He loves listening to Logan when he talks about his new students.

He loves that Virgil looks a lot better now after going to therapy.

He loves the fact that he has enough confidence to wear skirts in public.

He loves the fact that after he started to go to therapy, he accepted that he’s gay, and he’s started going on dates. He’s also loves that he accepted the fact that he’s sensitive, and it’s not a bad thing.

What he _doesn’t_ love however, is his blood family.

After he graduated college, he decided to move out and to stop talking to them. His siblings have told him he was selfish, and his parents have tried guilt-tripping him. There were times when their comments made Patton feel guilty, but he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

Patton didn’t need them, he had his friends, and they love him as much as he loves them.

And finally, Patton knows what a real family feels like.

And he _loves_ it.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive Criticism appreciated!


End file.
